Really courage?

Dear Forties,

I can't believe at 49 that I am still building character traits that others seem to have been born with.

I mean really...courage?

Why now? Why have me lean into this muscle at the point in which I should be able to stop fighting and start coasting?

Courage by definition means to "the ability to do something that frightens you." Courage is the mental and spiritual strength that empowers an individual to confront challenges, peril, discomfort, etc., without succumbing to fear.

You, 49, are really putting my mental health and faith to the test. I'm not going to lie. I don't like it one bit. I don't like not knowing the outcome of this battle. I don't like being triggered and reliving the feeling of past traumas. I don't feel equipped to do this test.

Yet...

I decided today that if I want to live the life I have worked so hard to build, I must fight for it. I must have courage to do everything in my power even though I am scared of the outcome. And that includes

• using my voice to stand up for myself.

• not letting others mistake my kindness for weakness

• calling out corruption

• and betting on myself more

OK 49, if you're going to teach me courage; I'm ready to be the star pupil.