Glimmers of the Real Shennice: Finding Joy and Satisfaction in Authenticity

"You should write a book." I can't tell you how many times I've heard this. Whenever I share pieces of my life story, it's inevitable; the words echo, "You should write a book." But how can I write a book when my whole life feels like one big trauma response?

At 50, I'm learning that many of my actions and choices weren't truly mine. They were driven by a voice in my head, rooted in people-pleasing, survival, and fear. Yes, I've accomplished amazing things, but how much of that was truly me?

I've started seeing a new therapist to unpack the trauma I've experienced, hoping to connect with my true self. I think I've only glimpsed Shennice. The real Shennice peeks out occasionally, bringing me immense joy and satisfaction. I'm ready for her to be fully present, always.

This might surprise those in my life who see my outgoing personality and confidence. They don't see the inward feelings of unworthiness and abandonment. I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I'm just not totally satisfied with me. I want to love myself more. I don't think I do. I want to be my own best friend, treating myself better than I treat others.

I know this is deep for a first blog post, but it's time to come out of hiding. I'll be journaling or blogging about my coming-of-age story of self-discovery at 50. I'm learning who the real Shennice is, authenticity and I invite you to come along.